Personality is the platform with which we project ourselves into the arena of life. It's our means to reading each other. It's our public persona. Without other people to react to and to react to us, we would have no meaningful identity and without that, personality is a meaningless concept.
Team-sports bring together athletes with their own unique personalities, experiences, talents and skills. Yet it’s often how these individuals connect together that’s the magic sauce in their success. So too in the arena of life, where harmonious interpersonal relationships help the wheels go around.
Having insight into your own personality helps inform you about who you are and how you interact with others. It helps empower you to make changes and to build on your strengths and mend your flaws.
We all have different strategies for dealing with others and depending on need or circumstance we can be duplicitous at times. If you’ve ever called in sick when you were perfectly well - you may feel bad about it - but you get over it.
One particular personality trait that impacts the way we do this, is manipulation - how much we feel inclined to influence or change others to achieve our goals.
Niccolo Machiavelli, the early 16th Century European writer and statesman, developed manipulation to such an art that his very name has come to stand for deviousness. He was effective in dealing with others in a cool, calculating way, with a strong agenda devised to achieve his personal goals.
Many people have Machiavellian characteristics to a greater or lesser degree. Sports coaches for example may use their power to disparage or manipulate their athletes beyond reasonable boundaries. Others might take advantage of their close ties with players in order to hit the headlines or advance their careers. Teammates might play on each other’s trust and emotions if they feel inferior or wish to look better than the rest.
The 19th century showman P.T. Barnum, best remembered for his enterprising hoaxes, expressed this mindset: "There’s a sucker born every minute.” Perhaps so, but it was psychologists Richard Christie and Florence Geis took up the matter scientifically in 1970, when they created a test of Machiavellianism aimed at quantifying an individual’s interpersonal strategies.
I’ve adapted their questionnaire for you to see where you stand. It’s meant to provide you with guidelines only.
For each statement below, score yourself as follows:
1 - Strongly Agree = 7 points
2 - Agree Slightly = 5 points
3 - Disagree Slightly = 3 points
4 - Strongly Disagree = 1 point
Let’s begin:
1. You should never reveal your true motives for an action unless it's
useful for you to do so.
2. If you tell people what they want to hear, they'll be more amenable to your influence.
3. It's nonsense to believe in doing only what's good or morally right.
4. Playing sexual politics in a relationship is a legitimate way of keeping the relationship under your control.
5. Most people are basically treacherous.
6. Honesty is nice in theory but is rarely the best policy.
7. Lying to people is excusable in certain cases.
8. People don't usually do things for other people unless there's something in it for them.
9. People who profess to be humble and honest would be dishonest if they thought it would get them what they want.
10. To get someone to do something for you, it's more important to be persuasive than frank.
11. People who lead clean moral lives may be good, but rarely get ahead in this world.
12. Putting your complete faith in another person is dangerous.
13. Acting outside the law is only a crime if you get caught.
14. Most people are cowards.
15. Flattery can influence important people when persuasion fails.
16. It is impossible to be good in all respects.
17. P.T. Barnum who said, “there's a sucker born every minute,” knew what he was talking about.
18. It's important to get ahead even if it means you have to tread on people's toes sometimes.
19. People who don't know how to succeed deserve to fail.
20. It is better to be respected than loved.
Groucho Marx once quipped: Sincerity is everything. If you can fake that, you’ve got it made! He was joking of course, but to someone with strong Machiavellian tendencies it sounds like great advice.
See whether the tenor of Groucho’s joke applies to you, by simply adding up your total score.
LOW (20-60 points): Your score suggests that you tend to be very emotionally involved with other people and situations. You’ll almost certainly get very close to them. And with a loved one for example, you can easily build trust, honesty and a strong morality. You believe wholeheartedly that people tend to be good and that being “open” is critical to achieving your desired results. Your emotional attachment to interactions is probably a true source of strength for you, helping to build a solid and trusting relationship. Because you don’t have a cynical outlook you may not easily control your impulses or be overly careful in the way that persistent opportunists tend to be. Should you be too emotionally connected you may be vulnerable to manipulation. As long as you see that, you’ll probably develop the kind of open relationships that rarely have hidden agendas.
MODERATE, BALANCED (61-100): Your score suggests you have an interesting blend of emotions for interpersonal situations. Though you may feel people have a lot of good in them, you’re wary of being completely trustful. Honesty is important to you but not to the point that you may be taken advantage of. You like to put things up front on the table, but you understand that there may be times when having a hidden agenda will serve your interests better. Your capacity to be emotionally attached while keeping your eyes and ears open appears to be a strong combination for dealing with most situations. As long as you remain very aware - seeing what’s present and what’s not – you’ll find comfort in building solid relationships that help you achieve your goals. It’s worth noting that if you’re naturally trusting, believing and giving, you’re going to find it hard to become suddenly selfish. But there are ways it can be done without massive personality changes or sacrificing a valued relationship. The key-word is "self " rather than "selfishness".
HIGH (101-140): Your score suggests that you are very detached from emotional situations. You probably see people as a means of accomplishing personal aims. A shrewd operator, you believe that most people cannot be completely trusted. Accordingly you may find it important to keep your true agenda to yourself - dealing with people in such a way that achieves your goals without ever revealing them. Though some may call you manipulative, you believe it naive to think that people are basically good and honest. However, following your emotions without a clear agenda, may be asking for trouble. Your method of dealing with people may be effective in the short term - in getting others to carry out your wishes - but in the longer term this technique can backfire. These interpersonal tactics may be personally rewarding but be aware that others might see you as being cold and calculating, and this will affect the way they think about you. They may prefer you in competitive situations, but not so much as a valued friend.
ONE MORE THING
Generally speaking, avoiding exploitation is most important because people who are manipulated tend to lose their feelings of personal worth. That said; even in loving relationships people exploit each other. Intrinsically there’s nothing wrong with that, nor is it necessarily wrong when there is an imbalance in the give-and-take.
If you want to avoid being exploited simply because you resent it in principle, you may find you’re denying yourself part of the natural emotional "trading" which makes a happy relationship one of mutual interdependence. In a nutshell, the time to resent exploitation is when it makes you unhappy and when you must react against it for the sake of your self-respect.
© DR LENNY KRISTAL